Ak Pagla Beta

"Ek din matir bhetore hobe ghor,
re mon amar, keno bandho dalan ghor?"
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Why yes, Allah (swt) I did plan on spending Eid drenched in my own sweat with a fever and a sore throat, reeking like a fetid mushroom molding away behind a head of lettuce in the fridge. Thanks for checking in with me sis!

It really is true that women are the bearers/carriers of South Asian cultures.


*me talking to a pheasant* let’s stop the pheasantries and get to business



Bangladesh, India

…Bangladesh is not in India please look at a map

Bangladesh is a country you ignorant kumquat change this caption immediately.


black people: haha white people can’t dance

white person: oh but if i said black people are too busy eating watermelon to get off their monkey lazy nigger asses then it would be racist???

white person: I am so SICK of these double standards……

I’m holding a banana, posing flamboyantly, and sticking my ass out while volunteering at a dinner for the homeless shelter. Someone stop the homosexual agenda like?! There were children in that room imagine how many of them I must have converted!

I bought the Usher body spray even though rsvnr told me not to. I need to find a wife at Eid salat this year so I’m gonna have to smell like an attractive person since I don’t qualify in any other department.

I regret not paying the extra twenty dollars for higher quality lenses without glare.

I’m so glad Ramadan is almost over. It’s always fun and refreshing for a few weeks but by the end I just… have major issues with everyone and everything.

My life is, as always, in perpetual shambles.


Anyway Eid prayers “start” at 9 and my work starts at 10, and the masjid is about half an hour from work so it’s not like I’m going to have much of a time to hug people and be like “assalamu alaikum aunty did you know your son is gay” and “walaykum salam uncle yes yes I did see your daughter’s bikini shot on Instagram tell me one more time why my sister needs to wear hijab” and “yes one year of undergrad left i know i already told you that last year sorry” and “oh you’re coming to our dawat on Friday great that gives me enough time to self-immolate” and “no thanks I don’t want your watery ass kheer that looks like goat cum”

ah. the holidays. 



I don’t have new Eid clothes so I think I’m going to sneak away from home for a bit to find a new pair of sandals and some #accouterments with which to jazz up my panjabi, which is going on six years old.

literally me today except I got 2 fat for all my old shalwar kameez

My favorite one ripped last year when the pocket got caught in the doorknob five minutes before our Eid party and I was heartbroken. And yeah I feel you my stomach protrudes so much that if I wear any color other than black I look like an uncle with type 2 diabetes on his way to the village elders seeking legal advice for a plot of a land stolen by my cousin twice removed :(